Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Poor Carlos

Carlos moved to California at the age of 17.

For his entire life prior, he had lived five and a quarter miles north of a rural community in South America with his parents, his three younger brothers, and his pet llama Fernando. Carlos knew nothing of life beyond this, and didn’t imagine there could possibly be anything different out there. In fact, he didn’t even realize there was an “out there” beyond the small town where he was occasionally sent to get milk and eggs.

Now, he faces California.

Shocked with the new life he is thrown into, Carlos tries desperately to learn the ways of the American teenager. He spends hours upon hours in his room watching season after season of American television, vigorously taking notes.

Before the start of his senior year, Carlos vows to change into the sexiest dude in school, as the TV shows had shown him that you weren’t cool until you a) had a leather jacket and b) had slept with at least 50% of your local high school’s female population.

With his mission mapped out, Carlos went to the mall and purchased the most badass leather jacket he could find, and stocked up on as much sexual paraphernalia as he could fit in his parents new minivan. Upon arriving home, he decked out his room with all his new goodies, excited to bring that group of giggling girls from third period back to try them out.

Unfortunately for Carlos, the one girl he managed to get back to his pad got tremendously disgusted with his drawer full of sex toys, range of flavoured condoms, and alphabetized collection of lubricants. She told all of her friends, and rumour of what a creep he was spread as far as Florida!

Poor Carlos, who only wanted to fit in, now was stuck with a plethora of non-refundable merchandise, which was significantly less fun to use alone, and the reputation of a sex addict. Unfortunately for Carlos, he was the only sex addict around who had never actually had sex.

Note: I didn't make the wallpaper, it is an actual wallpaper pattern that I tiled using photoshop.

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